In 2001, there was an outbreak of Foot and Mouth and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
In 2002, there was an outbreak of SARS and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
In 2004, there was a crude oil shortage and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
In 2006, there was an outbreak of Bird Flu and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
Needless to say a lot of my anxiety stems from death. It's the fear of the unknown. When I was 14 my grandfather, who I was extremely close too, passed away after a long and painful battle with cancer. That's when my anxiety completely spiraled out of control. I began obsessing over small things and little rituals. Now as a 22 year old adult I can see that I didn't grieve properly and I am still dealing with the consequences of pushing my feelings away. I often wonder if I had just dealt with things then that I might have a different way of thinking now.
I carried on with my life not having properly coped with the loss of my grandfather. I carried on at school struggling with the usual teenage problems; boys, bodies and the future. Once I left school and started college, I fell out with all my old friends and felt so betrayed. Another problem that I didn't deal with and pushed away. I became overwhelmed with coursework and had a breakdown so bad that I didn't eat or sleep for nearly 3 days. That's when I first plucked up the courage to get some help.
At age 17 I was put on anti-depressants and referred for counselling. I stayed at the center for a year and then I felt 'cured' and I left. Things were going okay for a while and then I started a new, stressful job. Once again I did not pay attention to how I was feeling and I kept on pushing through. At age 20 I was signed off work, put back on anti-depressants and referred back to counselling.
Dealing with my anxiety is still a day-to-day struggle. Some days I will wake up and feel absolutely fine. I wake up and take a deep breath, knowing that the day is mine to take on. Other days I will wake up and feel like I've had a boulder tied to my leg and been dropped in the ocean. I can't breathe, my mind is foggy and I struggle to get out of bed. Living with anxiety is more difficult than anyone could imagine. If it's not the mental aspects of it, it's the physical side of it. Trying to live a normal life when you know a panic attack could be just round the corner is stressful. It's something I personally worry about a lot, which only heightens the risk of one happening.
If I could pass on any advice to people suffering in silence I would say please get help. Talk to a family member, a friend or a doctor. There is plenty of help available for you but you just need to reach out and take it. When there is only a dark tunnel ahead of you, turn the corner.
Be a warrior not a worrier.
Love,
Becca
Twitter: @ohitsbecky
In 2002, there was an outbreak of SARS and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
In 2004, there was a crude oil shortage and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
In 2006, there was an outbreak of Bird Flu and I was convinced that was how we were all going to die.
Needless to say a lot of my anxiety stems from death. It's the fear of the unknown. When I was 14 my grandfather, who I was extremely close too, passed away after a long and painful battle with cancer. That's when my anxiety completely spiraled out of control. I began obsessing over small things and little rituals. Now as a 22 year old adult I can see that I didn't grieve properly and I am still dealing with the consequences of pushing my feelings away. I often wonder if I had just dealt with things then that I might have a different way of thinking now.
I carried on with my life not having properly coped with the loss of my grandfather. I carried on at school struggling with the usual teenage problems; boys, bodies and the future. Once I left school and started college, I fell out with all my old friends and felt so betrayed. Another problem that I didn't deal with and pushed away. I became overwhelmed with coursework and had a breakdown so bad that I didn't eat or sleep for nearly 3 days. That's when I first plucked up the courage to get some help.
At age 17 I was put on anti-depressants and referred for counselling. I stayed at the center for a year and then I felt 'cured' and I left. Things were going okay for a while and then I started a new, stressful job. Once again I did not pay attention to how I was feeling and I kept on pushing through. At age 20 I was signed off work, put back on anti-depressants and referred back to counselling.
Dealing with my anxiety is still a day-to-day struggle. Some days I will wake up and feel absolutely fine. I wake up and take a deep breath, knowing that the day is mine to take on. Other days I will wake up and feel like I've had a boulder tied to my leg and been dropped in the ocean. I can't breathe, my mind is foggy and I struggle to get out of bed. Living with anxiety is more difficult than anyone could imagine. If it's not the mental aspects of it, it's the physical side of it. Trying to live a normal life when you know a panic attack could be just round the corner is stressful. It's something I personally worry about a lot, which only heightens the risk of one happening.
If I could pass on any advice to people suffering in silence I would say please get help. Talk to a family member, a friend or a doctor. There is plenty of help available for you but you just need to reach out and take it. When there is only a dark tunnel ahead of you, turn the corner.
Be a warrior not a worrier.
Love,
Becca
Twitter: @ohitsbecky