The past few weeks I have been attending counselling sessions through Lifeline and Contact NI. Lifeline is a crisis number that people from Northern Ireland can call when they are in distress and need support.
The phone line is covered by trained counsellors. They also offer up to 6 sessions of counselling in the community. This is what I have been receiving.
I have been waiting for counselling through my GP surgery for the past 3 months. Right from the off, my counsellor told me that I need to be less hard on myself. Apparently any time that self harm or whatever was brought up I tensed. I am ashamed that I did it but I can't change anything now. I need to learn to forgive myself. I was also told to think more about self care. It is not selfish and, in fact, is something that I both need and deserve. I have been trying to integrate more self care strategies into my daily routine, but it is really hard and feels like it is going against everything I know.
During my latest session with her (last Thursday), I mentioned that I was on the waiting list for counselling through the NHS. I mentioned it because it was starting to cause me some stress with moving soon. She got on the phone to my GP surgery there and then to ask when I would be able to get an appointment.
On Friday, less than 24 hours after this call being made, I got a call from the surgery counsellor. I got a cancellation appointment for last Friday!! Just goes to show how much impact that phone call had.
That appointment was probably the hardest I've ever had... I somehow got onto the topic of my cousin and what she endured for years at the hands of her granda. I was very close to both the victim and the perpetrator. The whole situation had affected me very deeply but I haven't aired my feelings with anyone. I feel like a fraud for having feelings like this about the situation when I wasn't the victim. The only way I can describe it is "Survivors Guilt". I feel like I should have been able to spot it and help my cousin while it was happening, maybe stop it sooner. So much guilt...
I apparently got this appointment because everyone is 'worried about me'. If they were that worried, they wouldn't have turned their backs on me at every opportunity... Hope I can get some help now.
Not having any sessions this week because of a trip to England but will have one next week. Just hope I can keep myself safe until then!
Nicola
The phone line is covered by trained counsellors. They also offer up to 6 sessions of counselling in the community. This is what I have been receiving.
I have been waiting for counselling through my GP surgery for the past 3 months. Right from the off, my counsellor told me that I need to be less hard on myself. Apparently any time that self harm or whatever was brought up I tensed. I am ashamed that I did it but I can't change anything now. I need to learn to forgive myself. I was also told to think more about self care. It is not selfish and, in fact, is something that I both need and deserve. I have been trying to integrate more self care strategies into my daily routine, but it is really hard and feels like it is going against everything I know.
During my latest session with her (last Thursday), I mentioned that I was on the waiting list for counselling through the NHS. I mentioned it because it was starting to cause me some stress with moving soon. She got on the phone to my GP surgery there and then to ask when I would be able to get an appointment.
On Friday, less than 24 hours after this call being made, I got a call from the surgery counsellor. I got a cancellation appointment for last Friday!! Just goes to show how much impact that phone call had.
That appointment was probably the hardest I've ever had... I somehow got onto the topic of my cousin and what she endured for years at the hands of her granda. I was very close to both the victim and the perpetrator. The whole situation had affected me very deeply but I haven't aired my feelings with anyone. I feel like a fraud for having feelings like this about the situation when I wasn't the victim. The only way I can describe it is "Survivors Guilt". I feel like I should have been able to spot it and help my cousin while it was happening, maybe stop it sooner. So much guilt...
I apparently got this appointment because everyone is 'worried about me'. If they were that worried, they wouldn't have turned their backs on me at every opportunity... Hope I can get some help now.
Not having any sessions this week because of a trip to England but will have one next week. Just hope I can keep myself safe until then!
Nicola