The latest episode, as I call it, began the week before I started university. I know it is normal to be worried about starting something new so I let it go.
However, it got progressively worse. I was having at least two panic attacks every day which felt like such a setback. I hadn't had a panic attack in two months, since I really got control of my anxiety. I started to feel like a failure, which I normally do anyway. I just couldn't see how I was supposed to get better for good if it can suddenly come back and take full control of me again in very little time. I just felt pathetic and like giving up the fight and just letting it take over me properly.
That was when I decided to go back to my GP, even though I have a couple of bad experiences. I just couldn't stand how it was making me feel again. I was (and still am) getting far behind with the work load in uni because I couldn't concentrate and all I wanted to do when I came home everyday was sleep!
I got my medication dose upped to 20mg a day... I know this is best for me right now but it makes me once again feel like a failure because I was supposed to come off my meds and instead got the dose upped :/ I was also recommended to try counselling, which I have started through uni. I hope it will help me and I'm going to try to get the most out of it.
I haven't told anyone I have met at uni about my anxiety yet. I had to tell the module co-ordinator of one of my modules about it because one of the assessments is a group oral presentation. I wasn't too worried about doing the presentation badly. It was if I did bad in the presentation, the rest of the group would be penalised and that wouldn't have went down well. He was really nice about it and said as long as my group is OK about it (meaning I will have to tell them) then I am exempt from the oral presentation. I know that further on I will have to do oral presentations but hopefully by then I will have my anxiety well and truly under control by then!